Finding My Footing
Hannah Fairweather, 137 TESS
It’s kind of bizarre...I was lying in bed tonight (April 30th), the fan blowing on my face, bugs buzzing everywhere in my room, and somehow my mind drifted back to my Dad. Specifically, to the moment when he told me I was being rude for not responding to my Uncle, who had been encouraging me to go to a job fair where I could’ve gotten a position where he works. I had sort of ignored this opportunity and later realized I could have approached the situation differently. At the time, I remember feeling really embarrassed.
Don’t get me wrong, I know their insistence came from a good place. My family was trying to help me get hired within this dry job market, and I’m really grateful for that. Finding work after grad school was tough and everything felt overwhelming at the time. I was working at an elementary school, still figuring out my next steps, while the Peace Corps lingered in my mind.
In the middle of these thoughts it dawned on me, I’m in fucking Thailand. And deep down I felt this pit, this swooshing feeling in my stomach, like something just clicked. Like, this is right. Like, wow I’m meant to be here (no, I wasn’t experiencing stomach issues!). I can’t even imagine if I were still back home, in that same place, stuck in that version of my life. I don’t know if others feel the same, but this experience feels surreal in the best way.
This made me think of something my host mom, Mee Pui, told me. She’s a devout Buddhist and through Google Translate, Mee Pui asserted that, in a past life, I was her son and we’ve found each other again. When I first read that, I reacted how you’re probably reacting: wow, okay then lol, and brushed it off. But the more time I’ve spent here, the more her words have stayed with me in a strangely comforting way. I am still in awe that I made it to Thailand. There are times where it’s overwhelming and scary, but holy shit—that feeling of “I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now” has caught me off guard.
Has it settled in for you guys too? And if you’re still thinking about applying for the Peace Corps... honestly, I think that persistent feeling, the one that keeps pulling you back to it, might be the biggest sign of all.
