I'm Always Glad I Went
Caitlin Navratil, 131 YinD I’ve already tried it and I don’t like itI say, as I scoot awayFrom this drunken grandpaSlurping snails in my earI just don’t want to hearHis snail “kisses”Here, I’ve found myself hereAgain.A new home, new facesAnd I brace for the same“where are you from?”All over again.I didn’t want to come,But thenIt’s an evening that endsWith laughter and new friendsI’m always glad I went. It’s 3pm Saturday againHow does that keep happeningBetween the sleeping andIntroverting the time alwaysComesIt’s time.Family time.I drag my feetWish I was asleep,Then I go.To the first place I called homeHere in Ngim.To grandmas who “accidentally”Fondle my boob and then call me fat.To little boys in soldier uniformsCovered in snot and dirt.To chim du gone and gin yurt yurtTo when my heart could burstI’m so happy. So loved.Among all the chaos,The dirt, the too-fast Thai,A small voice talks over cartoons.You don’t have to go home,The little one tells me.Because Poohpah loves Naam Wan. I’m always glad I went. I have so much planning to do,I swear it will never get done.Who signed up for this, anyway?I can’t go, it’s not their day-I only have this half a day to plan.I sigh, buckle my helmet,And peddle to Children’s Day.I’ve been invited –I go out of courtesy.I want them to keep inviting me.even thoughThen I don’t want to go.I didn’t know the invite was forBaby boogie time,karaoke for beginners,And class coordinated dances.The kids smile at me as they run to be on stage,Grinning like a dance mom,Beaming like I love them.I’m always glad I went. This school I’ll probably cutI think to myself as I ride up,Dread filling my stomach soIt drops like a lead balloon,But maybe said too soonThe balloon of my heart inflatesI leave on cloud nine,Well, I think, fine,I will have to keep this school,I love these crazy kids.Another school, same fateTimes eight.I’m always glad I went. I think about a year agoHow hard it was to go.To say goodbye for a while,For my family to be miles and milesAway.Every day I decide to stay.I knew I’d miss cooking,I thought I’d miss snow.I’d miss out on dating,But still wanted to go.I remember red wine evenings,The freedom of a car,The familiarity of a routineIn a house not far from home.This blue house is somewhat farAnd I’ve altered the day to day.My new red wine is sticky rice,So glad I took my own advice,I can’t not do it because I’m scared. I’m so glad I went.
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