SSFF: Letting Go
Gretchen Evans, 136 YinD
Some of my favorite Thai words and phrases seem to always lead to the jai concept, meaning the idea is rooted in one’s heart or mind. A phrase that I have recently learned but have been practicing for much longer is ทำใจ (tham jai), or acceptance and letting go.
Tham jai literally translates to "making up one's mind." In daily life, it means to accept the reality of a difficult situation, "let it go," or find emotional peace when things cannot be changed. You will often hear this used to console someone experiencing grief, a breakup, or a setback, encouraging them to find acceptance and move forward.
Not to compare all the jai’s out there in the Thai language, but this one feels significant to me because it is a culturally embedded coping strategy. This qualitative study shows that “Clinicians may find that people experiencing adverse life events are best served by nondirective approaches”. I find it amazing that the power of thought redirection and therapeutic mindfulness can empower those who cope with suffering to formulate more effective decisions.
While I am not Buddhist myself, I have Thai friends and community members who teach me about the philosophy. I am grateful to have learned about and practiced tham jai throughout my service, as I believe a successful Peace Corps experience requires resilience and the skill of “letting go”.
I tend to struggle with negative self-talk and anxiety-ridden thoughts, so a combination of tham jai and my morning affirmations has significantly improved my mental health. I’d also like to add that although PCMO’s advice towards mental agility and health tends to feel like pointing out the obvious, exercise of course is quite the outlet for release. If not every morning, every other day, I move my body, focus on the present, and tell myself that I am strong, kind, and will do my best!
When I first came to Thailand, I was still deeply hurt and reeling from a breakup. With the power of tham jai, I have accepted my present situation, let go of the past, and have moved forward. While I have my hard days or brief strolls down memory lane, I can proudly say moving on with tham jai as a driving force and coping mechanism has taken character-building and strength that has surprised me.
Other key concepts related to tham jai are ให้อภัย (hai apai) and ปล่อยวาง (ploi waang), meaning: "to forgive" and "to let go" or "to detach”. This is the literal act of forgiveness and letting go of anger and resentment. While I have not entirely mastered these concepts in all facets of my life, I am working on it!
For more jai-related Thai phrases, feel free to explore our snake snake fish fish column!
Author’s note: I have defined Tham Jai based on local Thai people’s interpretation and the definition from the study I mentioned in the article.
